G™Employee Health Plan

GTech™ offers employees comprehensive health maintenance services, such that employees physically cannot die. This is done via the following means, in priority order:

  1. Quantum immortality.

  2. If this fails, switch to digital clones, e.g. Autogollark.

  3. If this fails or the digital clones are not smart enough to replicate that employee's relevant features, wait for resurrection either in ancestor simulation, Boltzmann brain or LLM/etc. (as a simulacrum).

  4. If this fails, an emergency failsafe mechanism destroys the universe.